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Dan Bern - Witness

Song Lyrics

Sometimes I don't believe you let me walk around above ground
With the things I've seen
You talk about learning to love with your pants on
But every time you come around you dance on the table
And let your feelings fall to the earth
That's what the sound was of somebody's birthday

And they signed me up for the witness protection program
And I became a blind guy in a titty bar
And it was so successful that they ran my ass for president and got my ass elected
And at my inauguration I stood there naked with a hand on the bible
And I swore to uphold my duties and the constitution to the best of ability
As a blind guy in a titty bar
Tin cup and white cane
Strippers as my cabinet
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Mmmma, I am a witness

And I heard that Kennedy got killed
'Cause he was about to come clean about the aliens
I heard that the Indians got killed
'Cause they were about to introduce drive-through fast food
I head that all the Jews got killed
So that the museums would all have something for the future
I head that the Hutus killed all the Tutsis
Cause otherwise they'd never see Jesus and his mother
Oh, I am a witness
Mmmmmm, I am a witness

They offered me a ticket to go to the moon
One way one pier don't come back soon
They offered me to pack up my belongings for free
Before too long they'd give them to me
Carry my god on the dark side of the moon
Teach me language and feed me with a spoon
They all came to say goodbye, one and through the other
My homicidal sister and my suicidal mother
Of the little pink children who
Tell you all about the weather
They take off and they free my balloon
With strings of leather
They blew me away like you blow away a feather
Oh, I am a witness
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I am a witness
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am a witness

So here I sit on the balcony
Freeway far as the eye can see
I got my head packed underneath my hood
I got the darkest dark sun glasses that I could
I covered up my eyes and I patched up my ears
I got the ballgame on and I got a cold beer
I got photographs but don't worry
Isn't this a beautiful night
Just go about your business

Ah, ah, I am a witness


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