The Dan Bern Lyrics Archive
Well my back was sore, my teeth were shot
My guitar felt like a heavy load
So I called up the guy who does my booking
And said, " Man, you've got to get me off the road"
He said, "Off the road, I think we can do that"
He said" I've got just the perfect gig for you
No more cafes , no more science buildings or bars
I've booked you on the very first luxury cruise ship to Mars"
He said, "Two years there, two years back"
I said, "That's good, a steady gig finally"
I mean, I get tired of traveling all the time
So they gave me a four piece back up band
These four guys who could really play
We entertained the passengers for tips and three square meals a day
Well three frozen freeze dried packages anyways
It went pretty good for a while until the other guys in the band decided they wanted to play their own material
So we broke up they started doing their own solo gigs all around the ship
Even so, I was inspired as never before way up there in deep space
I wrote songs about he asteroids and anti gravity
Protest songs about the frozen freeze dried packaged food
I thought I was on a roll
Everybody came by and said,
"Hmm, why don't you play the songs from your record"
After about a year and a half up there
I finally noticed this pretty girl
She worked as a waitress in the café
Handing out frozen freeze dried package food
We fell madly in love
She asked me to give up my music for something a little more stable
I said, "Baby it's not like I can go anyplace"
She fell in love with my drummer
We broke up, they got married
He gave up his drumming and singing to install solar panels in the cafeteria
I was heart broken
I wrote songs about being heartbroken
people said "Play the songs from your record"
About the time we finally got to mars
I was sick of the whole bit
Went outside and grabbed some dust
Came back in, that was about it
Well we got back to earth, and my booking guy called up
He said, " Dan, I hope mars was lots of fun"
You can shove it up your anus, man
He said "Uranus, I've been meaning to talk about
We can get you six nights on, one night off
Opening up for Ani Difranco
That's a young crowd, you know
Those people buy t-shirts
I said how long will this one take
He said, "20 years there, 20 years back
But you gain six hours on the time change"
I said, " Can I play whatever I want"
"Sure you can, just play something from your record"
