Dan Bern

Dan Bern - Lightning Jazz

Song Lyrics

God came to me in a dream
I knew it was God
Cause he had a long white beard
And a pink striped tunic
And the word "God" was spelled out above him
And an arrow pointing at his head

Well just now it occurs to me
He could be a Dog
He could be a Dgo
He could be a Gdo
As in "Waiting for Gadot"
But no, no, no, it's spelled "God"
The Kaballa is for crazy people, not for me
And not, might I be so bold to say
Not for God

And I said "Hey God"
"How's it hangin, tough guy?"
He said "Lower yourself before me"
I laid down naked on the floor
He said "We're on the fourteenth floor"
"Can't you get a little lower?"
So I got in the elevator and rode to the basement
And I laid down naked on the floor
It was cold and it was crawly

He said "Lower yourself before me"
I said "I'm lying naked in the basement floor!"
He said "We're at 3000 feet here"
So I went to the airport
And hopped a flight to Phoenix
Which wasn't hard to do
Cause every plane flies to Phoenix
Even if you're flying from say, New York to Boston
You gotta go through Phoenix

And when I got to Phoenix
I rented me a car, from Budget Rent-a-Car
Cause Hertz and Avis and the others
Wouldn't rent to me in my nakedness

And I rode out to Death Valley
And I laid down naked on the floor
And I said "Hey God"
"How's it hanging tough guy"
He said "The age of specialization is over."
I said "Excuse me?"
He said "The age of specialization is over."
I said "Excuse me God, I thought that's what you said.
But you sound like a Time Magazine editorial.
If I go back to the others and say: I just talked to God
And the eleventh commandment includes the word "specialization",
We're sunk."
And he said "What do you mean, eleventh commandment?
There were only eight, right?"
I said "Ten, God, ten. You gave Moses ten commandments."
God said "Scuse me, I outta know. I only gave him eight."
I said "Well, I guess he added two more on his own."
And God seethed, and thunder and lightning crashed the heavens.
And God said, "At least I hope he didn't change the ones I gave him.
Like the one about the moose."
I said, "The one about the moose?"
He said "Yeah, you know, 'Thou shalt not be mean to a moose'".
I said "Oh yeah, of course, commandment six, about the moose."
And I thought, now there's chutzpa
I'm here lying to the Lord.
And I thought, well yeah, whatever, no one's perfect
Besides, I dont need that lightning jazz,
While I'm naked in the desert.

So I said "No more specilization, eh?"
He said "Yes, thats right.
Everybody can drive, and everyone can cook
Everyone can paint, and everyone can sing
And everyone can dance, and everyone can love...
I said "Hold on there buddy.
Sounds like a nation of dilettantes you want.
He said "That is correct. Everybody should do everything."
I shrugged my shoulders and said "OK, I'll tell em."
But he tapped me on the shoulder and said "One more thing."
And I said "Yeah, what is it?"
And he made me stand up, and he gave me some underwear.
And he whispered in my ear
"The best, the best, the best, the best is yet to come
The best, the best, the best is yet to come
The best, the best, the best is yet to come"
And I said "Hey God"

This is a fan site. Dan's official site is at danbern.com.